That is, as a general rule, parents are usually good parents. One can only speak of "bad parents" when they act negligently tend to abandon their children, do not take responsibility for them, and even inflict physical or psychological abuse.
Nevertheless, today the opposite tends to happen: parents worry about their children, take responsibility for their health and education, try to give them the best quality of life, and fully include them in their family project.
Complications arise when you want to value "doing your best," which is confused with being "ideal parents."
Parents receive endless advice to become perfect with today's plethora of books and television and radio programs on parenting. And when at home, things are not as they are painted in that painting - and they never usually are - they tend to blame .
You have to understand the concept. Of "ideal parents" as what is: a model that should be approached, but it is not the only one of the best .
If we consider that we do what comes within our possibilities and limitations When educating our children, we should not feel guilty if a problem arises with them.
But what we can never avoid is our responsibility. Only then can we correct our possible mistakes and continue helping them and helping us to overcome setbacks that appear, both in their trajectories and in our relationships with them.
Neither authoritarian nor overprotective
In this long road to improve parents' attitudes, we will point out two detours that it is not advisable to take: authoritarianism and overprotection.
What are authoritarian parents like?
Authoritarian parents always have the "no" in their mouths who think they are always right. They often use punishment as a rule, and they want their children to do what they see fit. They disqualify them at the first chance when they make a small mistake, and they can easily use verbal and even physical violence .
This authoritarianism is nothing more than the expression of authority itself, and It usually generates a very unfriendly and communicative environment.
Children of this type of parents grow cowered, and that fear makes them talk little with them and tend to use lies to avoid reproach. Are insecure children with low self-esteem because they want to please their parents with their behavior.
But, in addition to the fact that they hardly achieve it, they cannot carry out what they like, which generates a lot of frustration.
Living under pressure from authoritarian parents or with high expectations makes them tense and anxious, which prevents them from concentrating on their schoolwork or their activities and hobbies in a relaxed way.
And since their results are usually not brilliant, the circle is closed with new reprimands and punishments. In the long run, they can reproduce this model with their companions and become aggressive with them.
How are overprotective parents?
Overprotective parents, on the contrary, they tend to be so protective of their children that prevent them from doing anything for themselves since they tend to see more danger or risk than there is.
They are parents whose children are not left alone for a moment in the park, who speak instead of them, and who they feel like an appendage of theirs.
Many times they are not allowed to go on excursions or camps. They end up doing their homework so that they present themselves impeccably and do not instill in them the habits of each evolutionary moment.
In this case, children grow up in an artificial bubble, and they find it hard to face real life because it is difficult for them to separate from family protection: they see the rest of the world as a hostile monster that will hurt them.
They are immature children who always look smaller than they are - because that is how their parents see them-and, they constantly demand adult attention.
Having been so protected, They find it challenging to face the new: learning, social relationships... and tend to be inhibited or blocked.
Parents usually give them more than what they ask for. They have difficulty tolerating frustration and can quickly fly into a rage.
Like the children of authoritarian parents, their self-esteem will not develop correctly, and they will seek to please their parents before doing something they like. They can also externalize their frustration and helplessness, especially in the adolescent stage.
At the midpoint: 7 guidelines to educate better
No one begins to be a father knowing he is one, nor can he guess what his children will be like, but a father must know that his influence can be decisive and, therefore, it is convenient to be very clear that the objective of family education should be to make them become autonomous people and responsible, which may be as happy as possible and accessible in making their decisions.
Education is a long road that begins from the earliest days. Therefore, we cannot leave what corresponds to us to do from the beginning for the future.
Each stage involves a readjustment of our position as parents to approach the children most conveniently. What works during the first years will not work when puberty arrives. Later on, into adolescence, we will reap the fruits of what we have been sowing, and we will have to adapt to its new characteristics.
What guide for things to go well is convenient:
1. Be consistent . Be consistent and responsible for our actions and decisions since we are their primary model. If we contradict ourselves, our children will be confused.2. Know how to rectify. If necessary, we must learn to fix and recognize that we have made a mistake so that they understand that they should not be dogmatic and that it is better to accept their own mistakes.3. Clarity in the relationship. Our children are not our friends. Friends are freely chosen and do not always have the authority or influence parents should have over their children. There can be a lot of trust and communication between parents and children, but it should always be clear who is who in this relationship.4. Convey love. Children must feel loved by us and, therefore, we must transmit our affection to them with words and physical contact. We will achieve a good family climate if we know how to share this love well, and trust and respect will circulate reciprocally.5. Take time . You have to spend time with your children. This means that we often have to give up part of our private life and our hobbies. Sharing our time with them should not be limited to supervising their schoolwork: above all, we should play, go out in the open air, to the cinema, to museums, and take an interest in what they do at school and with their friends.6. Do not forget the discipline . Education also means field. Children must learn to know their limits, what they can and cannot do, how they should behave, etc. They must also be taught to assume small responsibilities that will increase as they grow.7. Start with yourself. When something is not going well, we tend to make our children responsible, and we want them to be the ones to change, without realizing that many times by changing something in our attitude, a spontaneous improvement is generated in the family group as a whole.
A recipe cannot accompany all these general principles. With its values and quirks, each family must find a way to respect each member's personality with a lot of patience.
Avoid contradiction
Logically, the differences between parents are reflected in their children's education, and, as long as they do not lead to severe and permanent contradictions, they do not have to be negative.
Allow children to be shown by example that agreements can be reached having divergent opinions.
More severe than minor differences is the continued use of double messages . It is considered that there is a double message when a father or a mother is ambiguous and contradictory so that one day he allows his son to do what two days before he has forbidden him.
How to raise happy children after separation
Also, when systematically both parents have conflicting ideas, they tend to deny what the other affirms and vice versa.
As a result of these double messages, the children are immersed in great confusion because they do not know what to expect or who to obey, nor do they see clear rules, or else they end up looking for an ally who depending on what things can be one or the other, which ends up creating a very negative family dynamic .
Therefore, although it is not easy, it is essential that in the fundamental questions of education, the parents can reach an agreement and follow the same educational guidelines in the most relevant events that occur: what role do children have within the family, what type of school is chosen, the organization of their free time, etc.
In addition to keeping an eye on these contradictions, It is convenient that the conflicts that arise within the couple due to affective, labor, economic problems, etc., affect children as little as possible and that they should not be made to pay with reproaches and bad humor for a dispute between adults.
Self-esteem essentials
self-esteem is the feeling of self-acceptance and allows you to face varied situations positively.
What is it for
Self-esteem allows you to have confidence in your possibilities realistically . It is essential throughout childhood because it Helps build personality, influences behavior, and facilitates learning.
A good acceptance allows children to solve and make decisions, be responsible and self-disciplined, tolerate frustrations better, and see that mistakes can be learned. They know their weak points to try to overcome them and feel comfortable with their peers.
How to encourage it
The factors that help increase it are personal resources, the family environment, and external agents, such as teachers or educators. Parents can help children by Keeping these tips in mind:
love them and make them see that they are essential to dedicating quality time to them, worrying about their development, and organizing activities to share.
Promoting the development of responsibilities: From a young age, give them small tasks, announce the acquisition of habits, etc., which will be positively reinforced as they are fulfilled.Encouraging the fact that they are making their own decisions and can participate in family decisions.Promoting positive discipline allows them to know the limits of what they can and cannot do.Instilling in them a healthy lifestyle.
Assessing the progress they make by themselves: school results, success in leisure activities, good relationships with friends.
